Tag Archives: God

A Childs Nightmare

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I released this song about a month ago now.

I hope you guys have been enjoying it!

If you haven’t heard it yet, take a listen here:

It is a song that kind of came out of no-where. I was not planning on writing a song at all. In fact I was playing my guitar earlier that night and was just frustrated with it so I put it away.

My son was in bed one rainy night and woke up crying and screaming uncontrollably. I thought at first that it was a night terror and that perhaps he would go back to sleep. Well, after a few moments I realized that he was definitely up.
He had this severity and urgency in his voice.
I walked into his room and he stood up immediately, reached for me and began to exclaim “Daddy come here!”. I picked him up and he just wailed on my shoulder. He threw his arms around my neck and buried his head in my chest as if his life depended on it.
I asked him if he was ok and he replied a very shaky, tear filled “yes”.
He couldn’t really remember what he was dreaming about, or maybe he was too scared to express it, but either way, it was real, it was intense and it was scary.
I was just glad that I was able to be there with him.

We eventually sat on the floor and he sat in my lap with his back up against my chest. His breathing was beginning to slow back down to a normal pace with the exception of a occasional sigh.

To watch my son experience this just broke my heart, but the moments during and after this are things that I hope to never forget.

Children really are a blessing and they remind me of that in the strangest times!

I can still quite vividly remember some of my nightmares as a child. And to this day, they feel quite real, quite intense and pretty scary. While I don’t know much about nightmares, I feel like they have their purpose, their place and their meanings. In some ways, they remind me of something so much bigger than our mundane day to day activities.
As a result of this night and all of these thoughts, I picked up my guitar fairly late that night, and this song came out of it.
I really like this song and am quite excited about it.
I hope that you all enjoy it to.

Please let me know what you think! I would love to hear from you guys!

Until next time.

Be well!

Jonathan.

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What do I actually hear when or if I listen?

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In Silence: I grow impatient.
In Silence: My mind tosses solutions.
In Silence: I become frustrated.
But wait!
The ringing subsides.
In Silence: I hear something
In Silence: I listen,
In Silence: I learn.
And Finally:
In Silence: I relax
In Silence: I unravel
and I begin to understand.
In my own little world, I don’t like to listen, I like to talk, and think and plan and scheme.
When do I stop?
I ask for things when I pray, people to be healed, things to turn out the way they should (or would like them to), etc. but when I pray, do I listen?
Is prayer really about talking?
A really good friend of mine, turned me on to this by Soren Kierkegaard.
It made me stop in my tracks.
I really am thankful for challenges that make me question things. What a blessing.
“As my prayer became more attentive and inward,
I had less to say.
I finally became completely silent.
I started to listen
-which is even further removed from speaking.
I first thought that praying entailed speaking.
I then learned that praying is hearing,
not merely being silent.
This is how it is.
To pray does not mean to listen to oneself speaking.
Prayer involves becoming silent,
and being silent,
and waiting until God is heard.”
                                                                      Soren Kierkegaard.

Noise, Distractions and Quiet.

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   At any given moment, there seems to be constant noise around me. Cars driving by, music playing out of windows, air conditioners, heaters, water running through plumbing, people talking, cell phones buzzing, deadlines, pressures and anxieties. For me, there are plenty of other distractions as well, a new toy, the research that goes into a new purchase, the desire for things that give us a quick feeling of self-worth. They are just distractions, and there are a ton of them. Distractions take our focus off of what is really important, or who is really important.
    Recently, I was out in the wilderness with my family. They were taking a nap and I was left alone with my thoughts. I found it strange that although there were no sounds around me whatsoever, I noticed my ears were ringing. And not very quietly either, it was a loud ring, like you get after a concert. As time passed on, the ringing got quieter and quieter. It got to the point that I began to enjoy the quiet of my surroundings, and the lack of massive bombardments to my senses.
   My thoughts seemed to whisper to me; they were not trying to compete with any other distraction of goals, responsibilities, hobbies, job and all the everyday noise. During that time, I realized again how important it is for us as humans to frequently take a step out of our everyday routine and be still. Alone, with no distraction.
    For me, being alone with my thoughts has pushed me to look into areas of my life that I have been covering up for years. Yes it can and has been very painful, very honest, but also very exhilarating and freeing. There is such a freedom that God offers us. We can’t hear God if we put so many other things in front of Him. Those noises threaten to constantly distract us, yet He still quietly whispers to us, “come and rest”.

What motivates you?

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      Motives are essential, and questionable……
 
Why do I do what I do, and say what I say? Is a question that has been whirling around my head recently. I have been bombarded with challenges and oppurtunities that seem to be coming at me from all angles. Its a little overwhelming, and some of the advice that I have been given seems to just add to the confusion. 
   I think that it is important for me to dive into the “true” me, and where that truth comes from! 
   As I sit and think about where God has me, and a deep longing for change, I can’t help but really dive into motives. I really think that motives are something that I should be looking into frequently, in some cases, no wait!, in ALL cases, I am a bit afraid of what I am going to learn. 
   Part of me fears the exposure of what may rise to the surface through all of this, but as I too often forget, that with the exposure comes freedom and truth. Not freedom of responsibility but the freedom of not having to cloak my garbage. I can’t speak for you, but I have a ton of garbage that I try to cover up and it stinks! Literally and figuratively! 
   I have always had this overwhelming desire to be transparent with myself and with others, but I have felt this constant push to keep to myself and not let anyone in. To just let people in on the surface and go about my life without ever having to be “burdened” with having to open up to someone. Or even worse, little white lies that deflect the truth of who I am or the motives behind my actions or thoughts.
   Not all of out motives are bad, but lets face it, we all sometimes say yes to someone when they ask us to do something that we really don’t want to do for fear that: “what if I have to ask them for something down the road?”.  (Do you see the motive in this?) At least I am guilty of this. What I am getting at here is that, I need to really take a look inside my life to see what rules me and the things I do, and then the question comes “will I really appreciate how utterly remarkable it is to be free and true?” 
  
 What would you say or how would you feel, if someone was so honest, that it offended you?

I’m busy….

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There have been a lot of things going on in my life recently that have really made me stop and evaluate my life. Questions like, What am I doing? Why am I doing it? What really motivates me to do what I do? How do I balance work and calling? I ask myself many times, “How far am I willing to go if I am called out my comfort zone and into something that others might deem crazy?”

   For the longest time, I have been super busy at work and not just work, but church too, as well as this artist expression I call music. Truth be told, I have enjoyed telling people how busy I am. But as I really sit back and think about busyness, what does that actually mean, and what does it communicate to people in my life? There is a difference between being busy and being productive. What is my real motivation in telling people how busy I am?
    Maybe the answer is that I make a habit out of being busy and telling the world how busy I am so I can indulge in self-pity and show people how important I am.
  Wow! That last sentence sounds horrible and reeks of arrogance. ….. But it is a part of me that I cannot keep locked up. This is what I am wrestling with.
 My wife told me something the other day that really challenged and convicted me: “stop the glorification of busy”.
    “Wait, what?!” I said. Then it hit me…..
 How often do I say that I am so busy and it is really a cry for people to look at me and validate my own pride and accomplishments so that people think I am valuable?….
Hhhmmmmmmm…..
I think I need to stop complaining about being busy. It’s one thing to tell people that I am busy and need some help, but its another to say that I am busy in order to seek the validation of others.
   Of course, not all busyness is bad, but I wonder what is our motive to be busy and what is our motive to tell others.
I don’t have the answers to all of this, but I write of these things because I want to think through it, and I don’t want to go through life day after day blinded by what is really inside of me or around me.
   What are my motives behind what I do and say? Do I want to encourage and speak life into those around me, or do I want to validate my own selfish desires and feed my ego?
What do you think about this? I would love to hear your thoughts!!!